Is it true?

I could feel myself rejecting what he was saying to me. I have enough awareness about myself to be able to call myself out on this reaction. It is in my ability to acknowledge it that I have the ability to determine if it is me rejecting it because it isn’t true, or me rejecting it because I don’t want it to be true. 

I lay down on my driveway, it is a space where I go when I need to ground myself. I took a deep breath in and with the exhale I told myself that I was safe and had the tools to openly and honestly determine if I was rejecting this statement because it wasn’t true or because it was but I didn't want it to be true. Regardless of which direction the answer was, it was going to be alright. If I was rejecting it because it wasn’t true then I would be able to clearly articulate this from a gentle open heart centered space. If I was rejecting this because it was true but I didn’t like it, I would be able to see this and then determine why and how I could change this about myself.  If it was true, it doesn’t need to always be true. If it was true, I could make the choice to change if I wanted to.  Either way, I was in a beautiful space. 

I looked up at the stars in the dark night sky and felt the tension that I was carrying in my body release. On the next exhale I made an “ahhhhhhhh” noise and felt my shoulders relax. I realized that I was clenching my jaw so I actively let go of the tension. I pressed my feet into the stability of the paved driveway and felt the driveway press back at me. 

“Let’s be honest here” I said to myself.