His energy reminds me so much of the energy of my doorkeeper. They both know how to hold me in a way that I feel completely safe to be vulnerable. They also both make me work. Whenever either of them come into my reality I know that I will need to stretch. I will need to grow. I will need to work. They will push me, sometimes without even knowing it. Or, maybe they are both completely aware each time they are pushing me, either way, they make me work.
When you find people like this, hold onto them. Press yourself against them. You don’t have to understand why or how. You just need to know what they do for you and trust that feeling. Trust that they are crossing your path for your highest good and chase that. Chase how they make you heal, grow and expand. Each time you are uncomfortable, say thank you. Each time you want to crawl out of your own skin to get away from the sensation that you are sitting in, say thank you. Each time you cry, say thank you. Each time you sit with something that hurts, say thank you. Each of those sensations and experiences will help you to heal, help you to learn, help you to expand and grow.
“I was just calling to check on you and chat” he said.
Weird, I thought to myself, as this wasn’t common. We chatted about this and that. Then, out of left field we chatted about something that threw me. He knew that it was a wound for me and knew that it was still open. He offered me a different lens to look through and asked me questions that made me really sit with myself and who I am.
Over the next week I worked with the material that we spoke about and I learned so much about myself. I started to really question why I cared what this individual thought of me.
I mean, I could rationalize it and say that this individual had been told things about me that were not true and that there was a whole part of me that wanted to defend myself. There was a part of me that wanted to tell my side of the story. Then, there was another side of me that knows that this individual can have whatever story of me they want and eventually the truth would come out, or not.
I could rationalize it and say that this individual holds the keys to something that I want and if they believe what they were told they would have resistance to me. Then, the other side of the story is that everything happens for a reason and if these keys were going to be blocked, I trust that it is for my highest good.
I could rationalize it and say that this was triggering because it had happened once before to me in my Druid program. A woman who is mentally unstable tried to force herself on me as a mentor and when I firmly said no thank you she told the Chief of the Druid school a bunch of untrue things about me. I can remember typing an email to tell my side of the story, deleting it, typing it again and then deleting it again and eventually landing in a place that I trusted the universe to work it out. Ultimately, the Chief of the Druid school came to her own conclusions without me having to say a word.
I needed to work through all of this. It was important for me and I was so grateful that my conversation with him gave me the nudge to sit with it. At the end of me processing it I realized that I had the answer all along. I have complete and utter trust that the universe will put me where I need to be to experience what I need to experience. I didn’t need to explain or justify a thing. I needed to stand solidly in who I was and the rest would play itself out the way it was meant to.
