“Will you lie down with me?” he asked. “I have too much energy in my body right now.” he said.
“Sure, or did you want to dance with me to move that energy?” I asked.
Before he could respond I had a moment to reflect on my response. He would NEVER do this to me. If I asked him to do something with or for me he would absolutely never try to convince me that I needed something different. While my response came from a place of love, I know that when I have too much energy in my body I need to move it, the response was till selfish. He told me how he wanted to be supported, he literally outlined exactly what he needed and wanted from me and I tried to suggest that he needed something different. At that moment, I realized that I could be really selfish as a lover.
“I am sorry” I said back almost immediately. “Yes, I will lie down with you.” I said.
Later, I was speaking with a friend about the experience. I outlined the story and told her that I had realized how selfish I was being and that I knew that I needed to work on that.
“Oh, was he upset by your suggestion?” she asked.
“Nope, not even a little” I said back.
“Well, maybe it didn’t upset him” she said.
“It didn’t upset him, I asked him.” I responded. “You see, it doesn’t matter if he was upset or not. I am happy that I am seeing this about myself when he isn’t upset because someday he will be. Someday, when he tells me what he needs and I try to convince him that he needs something different, as if somehow I know better what he needs, he will be upset. I am happy to get this clarity now so that I can address it inside of myself.”
