I curled up on the couch on my left side and closed my eyes. I was grateful for a moment of silence where I could be alone with my thoughts. No one was asking anything of me and I genuinely enjoyed the fact that I wasn’t feeling pressure to be or do anything at that moment.
I had been holding space for a couple of women who were processing trauma. These women were brave and strong and I felt grateful to be there with them in the workshop. They were not hiding from their pain. They were not shying away from the uncomfortableness that comes with stepping outside of your comfort zone. They were not covering their faces while tears streamed freely. They were not hiding, they were facing their trauma.
I felt her sit next to me. I opened my eyes and sat up. We exchanged a couple of small words and then it hit me. She was here to hold space for me. Without a word she placed her hand up to her chest, closed her eyes and did the one thing that I needed at that moment. She said nothing. She did nothing. She simply sat with me in silence. She softly whispered “mmmmhummm” as she nodded.
We both knew what she was doing. She was holding space so that I could let go. It was a gift that I didn’t realize I needed and was so grateful to receive.
Later in the night, during a break at the workshop I looked at the floor. It was a beautiful hardwood floor. In an instant I knew that I needed to lie face down on the floor. I have always been drawn to the knowledge and support that trees offer me. I welcomed the stability, depth and intensity that the trees, who made up the floor, offered me. As I let the floor hold me, I realized that she acted much like a tree. She was stable and offered support so I could be held. She wasn’t speaking words but I could hear her in everything that she wasn’t saying.
As I lay face down on the floor I began to understand myself better. I began to understand what I needed to feel comfortable with letting go. I learned just how I needed space to be held for me and with that understanding came immense power.
