I can only guess how many times I walked past them. They sat on my kitchen counter, in the corner, pressed up against my basket of essential oils. I am sure that I ran my eyes across them a million and one times, but I never saw them. I mean, I saw them, but I never SAW them.

She had left them the last time she was at my house. It had been over a month.

Sometimes, things shift and change in your body, in your mind, in your heart, in your soul. This was one of those times. I used to resist these shifts. Now, I relax into them knowing that they will take me where I need to flow. Nothing felt the same in my body, nothing.

My clothes felt different on my skin. I no longer liked the taste of diet mountain dew. Salt felt too strong and slightly offensive. I couldn’t orgasm. My feet felt sweaty and the way that they made contact with the floor felt foreign and unfamiliar. The texture of my hair felt different as I ran my fingers through it. Nothing felt the same in my body, nothing.

So, I wiggled with it. These were new places and spaces for me to explore. Dancing felt different and I enjoyed the sensation of my feet on the floor. I pulled different clothes out of the pile of clothes, I always migrated towards the same ones so this was an opportunity to wear ones that I hadn’t worn for a bit. I migrated towards the taste of lemon over salt, so I squeezed it on my food. I pushed the 2 liter bottle of diet mountain dew to the back of my cabinet.

It felt unknown, but not bad. As I said, everything had shifted. I sat in my uncomfortableness around it, knowing that I was experiencing it for a reason.

I was telling her about it. “Don’t forget those drops I left for you” she said.

Silence…… long silence on my end of the line while I thought about where I had placed them. “Oh yeah” I said. I jumped up to find them, where had I tucked them? I hadn’t tucked them anywhere. They were in plain sight. They were staring me in the face. They were sitting on my kitchen counter.

I placed a single drop into the ice water in my mason jar that I was drinking from. Perfection, I loved them. They tasted amazing. The opposite of how everything else was feeling in my body. Later that night, I ordered a bunch of them. Years ago, I would have felt bad that I didn’t see them earlier and longed to undo time. I know better than that now, I saw them when I was ready to experience them. I saw them when I was ready to embrace them. I saw them when I was ready to integrate them into my reality.