The conversation happened 4 years ago now but I remember it like it was yesterday. He told me that he brought me down. He told me that I laughed less when I was with him. I denied it. I knew that he was correct, we both knew that he was correct. I knew that he brought me down and that I laughed far less but I also knew that I wanted to be with him, so I denied it.
I didn’t listen to my body. I didn’t listen to the shift in my energy. I didn’t listen to the voice inside of me, the voice that slowly lost laughter, the voice that slowly lost confidence, the voice that slowly lost joy, the voice that slowly lost self love, the voice that slowly lost me.
It had been 4 years since that conversation, but I relived it today. I relived that conversation because I had a very different conversation today with a very different man.
“I love to hear you laugh. I keep picturing you lying on the bed laughing your face off.” he said.
We had climbed back onto the bed to chat after our morning nature walk and I had giggled for almost an hour about almost nothing and absolutely everything.
It had been 4 years and I healed and found myself again. Sometimes, people ask me if I regret loving him and I always say no because he taught me so much about myself and how to love myself. He taught me how to honor the voice inside of me and really hear it. He taught me how to honor my body and the laughter, or lack of laughter that comes from it.
