I had been excitedly waiting all day because UPS tracking said that it would be arriving today. I had purchased 2 of them, 1 for me and 1 for my husband. When he walked in carrying the package I got even more excited. As he opened the box my excitement rose.
He gently reached out and handed both of them to me. I reached for them and felt bubbles of excitement and joy flowing freely through my body. The excitement felt warm and bubbly and expansive.
The moment that I looked at mine my heart sank and the excitement went away. The artist had shown a picture with a beautiful blue stone and the one in my hand had a clear stone on the bottom. One of the sides of mine was significantly smaller than any that I had used before and I immediately felt the energy drain from my body as disappointment set in. I shifted my attention towards the one that I purchased for him. It had a stunningly bold blue stone on the bottom and multiple other small and bright stones perfectly placed throughout the piece of art. His was exactly what I had expected and mine, mine was underwhelming. I reached out and handed his to him.
“Yours is beautiful” I said with audible disappointment in my voice.
“Did you want this one?” he asked.
“No, I got that one purposefully for you” I said but if I was being honest, I kind of wanted it.
I set mine on the table next to me and brought my awareness to something else, trying not to feel the disappointment inside of my body. The disappointment felt cold, dark and still and sat empty in my stomach which had replaced the bubbly excitement that had been there just moments before.
I stared out the large bow windows in our bedroom with eyes slightly slanted as I created stories in my mind about how my new piece of art wasn’t as good as I wanted.
I caught myself in my own behavior and immediately felt a wave of shame for thinking like this. I closed my eyes and found silence in my body. I sat for multiple moments just allowing myself to feel safe and grounded. I opened my eyes and reached for the piece of art. “Let me try again” I thought to myself.
My inner dialogue flowed freely, “everything in life is exactly what it is meant to be and this is no different” I said.
“I know” I said back.
“You were attached to one outcome, one idea of what this would be. But, in your attachment to an outcome you may be missing the opportunity that is in front of you, the beauty that is currently here for you to experience.” I said to myself.
“I know, you are right” I said back.
I took a deep breath and found the sensations of trust and surrender in my body. Those emotions felt solid, warm, strong, open and expansive to me. I picked back up the piece of art in my hand.
“Did you want mine babe” he said.
“No, I like this one” I said as I looked at it with fresh eyes. “It is what the universe sent me, which means that it is what I need in this moment” I responded.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah” I said softly as I realized that I actually meant that.
Hours later, I sat in meditation with it and realized the depth and beauty that the piece of art had to offer me and felt immense gratitude that I wasn’t missing what the art had to offer me just because I was attached to what I thought that it would offer me.