The moment that I looked at mine my heart sank and the excitement went away. The artist had shown a picture with a beautiful blue stone and the one in my hand had a clear stone on the bottom.

Some part of me felt like a turtle, pulling its head back into its shell and hiding. It took me about 2 seconds to fully feel the sensation, acknowledge what it felt like in my body and then I took a deep breath and felt another shift. This shift felt like empowerment, it was hot and expansive, it was strong and solid and unwavering.

You see, somatic work is subtle, even if it doesn’t feel it in the moment. Somatic work is energy work in the body and when you release an old story that your body is holding and ground your body into a new story you will see a real shift in your reality.

He didn’t have to be the boy with the bat even if I wanted him to be. I could hold my own bat, and I was, that wasn’t his role and I shouldn’t be putting that role on him. I even had someone else in my life who didn’t need to be asked, he just picked up the bat and held it firmly.

The places in my life where I decided to put energy and attention were the places in my life where I saw results. The things that I wanted only required me to align with them energetically and vibrationally and then I got them.

So, instead, I slipped out of my nighty and into the hot tub. A huge part of what I was missing was enough time alone with myself. Enough time in the middle of the day, when I had energy to work on myself. Enough time being in divine feminine, not doing and not producing. 

The plant was one of my favorites and just last week I had been thinking how big and beautiful she was and how she likely needed to be split and repotted. She was dark green and filled with life. She trailed all down the stool and her large leaves danced in the sunlight that came in through the window.

As I sat staring off into space I realized that I was feeling fairly resentful about the situation. Rather than pushing that emotion away, I allowed myself to feel it fully. I knew instantly that I was resentful because I was feeling taken advantage of.

I stared through the zoom screen at her and recognized that I was hyper-focused on her body posture and everything that her body was telling me. I was listening to her words, but my awareness kept drifting to her body, and her body was telling a wildly different story than her words.

“Relax” I heard which brought my awareness to my physical body. For a moment, I almost laughed at myself as I observed myself in full contraction mode.