I was walking around the house doing chores and she was chasing after me. Every couple of seconds she would yowl for attention. I stopped and patted her and then went back to my chores. She continued to chase me, screaming for attention. Whenever I would stop she would tap on my legs and I would reach down and pat her, but it didn’t seem to be enough. I felt myself getting a little frustrated. I wanted her to stop screaming and chasing me. Eventually, I stopped and picked her up. I spoke to her and asked her what she needed. She snuggled into my chest and enjoyed me patting her. After a couple of moments, I put her down and went about my housework. She continued to chase after me, yowling. She wasn’t hurt, she wasn’t sick, she literally just wanted to be carried around the house.
She was the runt of the litter of kittens and had always asked for attention in the most obnoxious ways. We had originally named her Munchkin, but after it became clear that she wasn’t going to stop yowling for attention, we lovingly renamed her Yappichino.
I sat down on the couch and held her. I simply stopped what I was doing and put all of my attention on her. She clearly needed some attention and the distracted attention that I was providing didn’t seem to be cutting it. “What do you need, baby?” I asked lovingly. If she could speak, I am sure that she would say “This. I want all of your attention.”
I sat looking at her as I patted her and she gently closed her eyes and stopped moving. I was thinking about how this was a beautiful metaphor for life. So often, we give people a quarter of our attention and then wonder why they are seeking our attention. Well, they are seeking our attention because we weren’t really giving it to them. It is also interesting how often the people who need attention the most will ask for it in the most obnoxious ways. It can be easy to look at someone who is asking for attention in an obnoxious way and get frustrated with them because we want them to communicate their needs in a more articulate way. However, our frustration with them and their pattern of communication often overlooks the role that we play in the dynamic. If we are giving people in our reality a quarter of our energy and attention and then pointing a finger of blame at them for their behavior, then we are doing a disservice to ourselves and them.