I sat with my eyes closed as I began to shift my awareness from the inner landscape of myself to the outside world and the room I was in. I began to listen for sounds in the room, I could smell the essential oil diffuser that was running. I wasn’t really ready to open my eyes yet, so I left them closed.
“You can’t rush your healing” by Trevor Hall was playing quietly in the background. Mostly, my brain focused on the guitar, and I just noticed how the song felt in my body. There was a lightness and a flow when the song landed in my body. The flow felt soft and yet strong. It felt like large sweeping dance movements with intense divine feminine qualities. I relaxed into the sensation happening inside of my body and simply tracked the sensation, curious about what would happen as I really allowed my body to experience the medicine of the song.
My awareness shifted from the guitar to his voice.
“So, you can't rush your healing
Darkness has its teachings
Love is never leaving
You can't rush your healing
Your healing
Mama, well, she told me time is such a wonderful gift
You're not running out
You're really running in
Confusion clouds the heart, but it also points the way
Quiet down the mind, the more the song will play”
A warm, wet, tear ran down my cheek before I even realized what was happening. I had begun to find a new level of trust in my body, knowing that it would do what it needed to do and I simply needed to allow it. The single tear turned quickly into a stream of tears.
“You can’t rush your healing.
Darkness has its teaching”
I spent almost all of my life wanting to rush my healing. It was silly, really. I always wanted to be in the next place, the next level, the next….. next. Over the past couple of years something had shifted and I had started to really enjoy the exact spot that I was in, not just in healing but in life.
Today, I was at peace being in the exact place and space that I was in, not because it was particularly comfortable but because there was deep beauty and wisdom where I was. I witnessed that fact about myself today and as I noticed it, I realized how much more I was getting out of my day as a result. I wasn’t trying to “get” anywhere. I was just “being” in the space that I was in and somehow, I was really enjoying the space that I was in. There was more emotion here when I wasn’t reaching for another place. There was more peace here when I wasn’t reaching for another place. There was more wisdom here when I wasn’t reaching for another place. There was more balance here when I wasn’t reaching for another place. I had heard people talk about this place and how magickal it is but it wasn’t until today that I was truly understanding it on the level that I was now. I laughed at myself, I couldn’t rush this healing either. I couldn’t learn this lesson until I was ready.
My eyes gently opened and met the day again. My gaze was still soft and the room looked slightly blurry but I didn’t shift my gaze to a pointed gaze, I just left my world a little blurry. I didn’t stand up and move the second that my eyes opened. I just sat, right in that spot somewhere between meditation and my day. I didn’t need to be in one place or the other, the space inbetween felt pretty great.