We were walking back from lunch along the edge of the ocean, chatting about how lovely the weather was and what we were going to do for the rest of the day. The boys were planning to go swimming in the ocean and we were talking how much fun it would be.

“I will feel awkward swimming” one of my boys said.

“Why baby?” I asked, feeling confused by his statement as he loves swimming and loves the ocean.

“No one else is swimming, everyone else thinks that it is too cold” he responded.

Of all of my children, he was the most likely to be impacted by other people’s opinions. So, I took the opportunity to discuss that more deeply with him. We spoke about how this was one of the most important lessons that he would ever learn. That it really didn’t matter what other people think of his choices as long as they feel good to him. We spoke about how the earlier that he learned this lesson, the happier he would be. That the majority of us care so much about what other people think of our lives that we miss out on living the life of our dreams. We spoke about how societal norms say that there is a right and wrong way to move through the world and the truth is that the right way to move through the world is the way that feels the best to you and that it doesn’t (and frequently won’t) match the societal norms. It was a conversation that we had had multiple times before but as he aged and entered teenagehood it changed the way that he engaged with societal norms, it changed the way that he felt about being exactly who he is, it changed the way that he felt about judgment and bias, it changed the way that he moved through the world.

All of this was normal, it was a conversation that I expect to have with him many times in life. It is one of the hardest and yet best lessons that we learn and it is like an onion, there are layers to the lesson, many layers. As we age and move through different phases of life, we will engage with this energy differently. As we experience trauma it will change the way that we engage with this energy. As we experience joy, happiness, and love it will change the way that we engage with this energy. As we experience different partners who may be in a different place with this lesson, it will change the way that we engage with this energy.