I am mad

I was easily able to identify that I was mad, that wasn’t hard to determine for me. 

“I am mad” I stated clearly. But there was more to it than that and I knew it. It was one thing to identify the anger but what was the other emotion that was with the anger that I was feeling? That would take me an additional couple of minutes to get to the bottom of. I tried for a moment to get to the other emotion but I wasn’t done being mad yet, so I respected that and allowed myself to be mad and feel it fully. I shared my feeling of anger with him and expressed why I was angry. When the body agitation began to lessen and the anger started to subside it became easier to identify what else I was feeling. 

He had made a comment that was hurtful because he wasn’t really thinking when he spoke. We had already processed that but I knew that there was more work for each of us to do around the interaction. I had shared with him that I thought that there was something deeper for him to look at, but what I didn’t share was that I knew that there was something deeper for me to look at too. In hindsight, it likely felt like an attack or blame rather than an opportunity for growth and personal exploration because I hadn’t shared that I also needed to look at the conversation more deeply. I needed to get past the anger and to the deeper emotions. 

When I had fully felt the anger I was able to get to the deeper emotions. I felt inadequate and slightly embarrassed. While feeling these emotions wasn’t fun, I also knew that these emotions were an important part of me understanding myself. When I was able to sit with these emotions it allowed me to go back and have a much deeper conversation with my husband about what I was feeling.

When I reflected later that day about our conversation I realized that there was a whole portion of my life that I would allow myself to feel mad about something but wouldn’t take the time and energy to get to the other emotions below, which is where the real healing typically is for me.