I walked into the bathroom where my son was brushing his teeth. It had been a long day and I was ready for bed, but I still needed to get the boys into bed and go through my own nighttime routine. I let out a big sigh when I saw a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor.
“What is wrong, mum?” my son asked.
I hadn’t even realized that I had let out a sigh until he called me out on it. Then, I felt slightly embarrassed. I had let out a sigh because my youngest son had left a pile of clothes on the bathroom floor after his shower and I needed to carry it downstairs to the laundry room as he was already in bed.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I said.
“No, mum, what is wrong?” he asked again.
“Well, I am just overtired and your brother left his clothes on the floor,” I said back, wishing that I hadn’t let out a sigh.
“Have you told him how you feel?” my son offered.
I smiled back at him. He was wise beyond his age. I was so proud of him for asking this question. He knew that without open conversation, things wouldn’t feel better, and he was holding me accountable for that. I loved that he already embodied this concept deeply, and I also loved that there was enough safety inside of our relationship that he felt comfortable offering suggestions to me. Both of these were things that were really important to me as I raised my children. I wanted my children to be unafraid of having difficult conversations, so it was something that we practiced, and I modeled for them a lot. I think that it is an important skill to master in life. Difficult conversations are inevitable in this life, and if we don’t know how to have them, then we will likely avoid them. And when we avoid difficult conversations it often creates resentment, anger, and space in our relationships. It was also very important to me that my children feel comfortable calling me out on things. I understand that many people find it disrespectful for a child to call out a parent, but that simply isn’t the way that I see it. Of course, I wouldn’t tolerate my children calling me out on my bullshit in a disrespectful manner. But if they call me out on my bullshit in a respectful manner, then I am completely open and appreciative of this. I want my children to feel safe enough with me that they can openly communicate their thoughts and feelings about anything, including me and my behavior.
“Thank you for asking me that question. I am just a little overtired tonight. Normally, I wouldn’t mind picking up his clothes, but tonight, I guess it felt like it’s one more thing to accomplish,” I responded to him.
“Yeah, well, if you don’t talk to him about how you are feeling, then he can’t know, and he can’t change his behavior,” he said as he brushed his teeth.
“You are so correct, baby,” I responded. Then I ran my fingers through his hair and said, “I really love the human who you are.”
“I really love the human who you are,” he responded with a twinkle in his eyes.