Alone

I packed the last couple of items into my bags. I looked up at him, sitting on the bed. 

“I am going to miss you” I said.

“Me too, baby” he said back.

“I needed to do this alone. I needed to know that I could. It is an important part of my process” I said.

“I know that and I am glad that you are doing it” he responded with gentle loving energy.

He had wanted to come with me originally and we had spent multiple hours talking through why it didn’t make sense and why I needed to go alone, but I didn’t fully understand it until I was about to leave. I needed to know that I was fully capable of holding myself. If I didn’t know this, it would be irresponsible for me to do the work that I wanted to do. It didn’t mean that I didn’t want to include him. It didn’t mean that I didn’t want him there. It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t lean on him. It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be my equal. It didn’t mean any of that. It simply meant that I needed to know that I could hold myself in this space and the only way for me to know this was for me to do it alone. If I had him there to lean on, I would never know the depth of my personal empowerment in this realm and that would mean that I had no business being in that realm. It would mean that I wouldn’t be able to show up standing in the energy that I wanted and needed to stand it in this area. I hadn’t been able to communicate it effectively when we were first having the conversation. I couldn’t communicate it effectively because I didn’t fully understand it, I FELT it but I didn’t UNDERSTAND it. My body got it. My heart got it. Spirit got it. But, my mind didn’t. However, as it always does, my mind caught up and just before I left, I understood the energy that I had been feeling which allowed me to communicate it more clearly to him. 

He looked me in the eyes and then kissed me and just when I thought that we couldn’t love and understand each other more, we did.