I knew that it was likely going to sting. I knew that it would likely make her recoil. I knew that it would make her heart hurt and ache a little. I knew that she would feel excluded and a bit abandoned. I knew that it would hurt and there was no part of me that wanted to hurt her, truly. I care about her deeply and would never want to intentionally or unintentionally hurt her.

I also needed to honor the voice in me that was saying that I didn’t want to do this with her. I needed to honor the voice in me that was picking peace over chaos and drama, because I knew her well enough to know that she always brought chaos and drama, she couldn’t currently help it. When I felt into the morning without her and then felt into the morning with her, the vibrational difference was shocking. I didn’t want to spend my morning guarding against the chaos and drama that floated around her energy field like freshly applied perfume. I didn’t want to hurt her but I also didn’t want that experience. I wanted peace and ease. I wanted stillness. I wanted balance. She didn’t bring those things for me, in fact she pulled me out of each of those things.

It was never my intention to hurt her but I got to pick clearly, did I pick me or did I pick her. I couldn’t pick both. I would either honor what I needed or I would honor what she needed because they were in direct opposition of each other. With absolute love for her in my heart, I gently yet firmly picked me.