“Do you know what I think? I think that you do whatever works for you. If it works on a given day, then do it and if not, then say fuck it and don’t. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of you. He may not like your approach to this but his opinion doesn’t really matter. This is your life and this is your child and it needs to work for you and your child and he doesn’t really matter. Not that you asked for my opinion, but I am giving it to you anyway” she said with more attitude than I had seen from her in a long time.
She almost never gives me unsolicited advice. It was one of the things that I loved about her. Occasionally, someone will ask me how my mother and I navigate living so close and being so involved with each other's lives and not fighting. The answer is simple and it is a singular word, respect. We both have respect for the other one. We navigate our connection with a lot of love and a lot of respect. So, for her to give me unsolicited advice is rare.
I smiled at her and thanked her for the feedback. I knew that she was right. I was in turmoil over something that truly didn’t matter but mom guilt had taken over and had a deep hold on me.
Days later, I was engaging with the mom guilt again and unsure of what choice to make and her words returned to my reality. I heard them clearly in my mind. It made my decision simple and clear, I was going to do what was right for myself and my son and if this individual didn’t like it then we would stop engaging with him. My son didn’t need to be engaging in this activity, it was something that we signed up for for fun and for physical fitness and social engagement. This was our life and this individual could have whatever rules he wanted, but we could do whatever was right and true for us.
She rarely gives me unsolicited advice, but when she does I adore it. I adore it because it is rare and only happens when I need to be shaken up. I adore it because it comes from the purest place of love. I adore it because it is done in the most gentle way and with enormous compassion. I adore it because she is my mom and I will be so sad when someday she isn’t here to give me solid advice like this.