As I pulled myself away from the experience I could see it more clearly. Initially, I was too caught in the human emotions of the situation to see it clearly for what it was. It was in the silence, in the space that I created with a pause and a deep breath that clarity landed so solidly inside of me that everything shifted.
She couldn’t own what her own process was and was bending the truth. She couldn’t openly articulate her truth which wasn’t surprising, she never could. She has spent the majority of her life denying one truth after another, both large and small. Standing in her truth and owning her process was foreign territory for her, that she didn’t know and wasn’t comfortable in.
As I allowed my emotions to settle in a grounded place, I felt the release of unsettled energy, anxious energy, fearful energy. She couldn’t stand in her truth and own her process but she also couldn’t force me to own her lie. The more I relaxed into myself and felt my nervous system return to baseline I felt sad for her. I felt sad that she had never been taught how to own her truth. I felt sad that she denied herself and her process day after day. I felt sad that she was desperately trying to have someone else, really anyone else, own the process that helped her land in her truth. I felt sad for her that in creating yet another lie, she would ruin her credibility and the real issue would never be focused on. I felt sad that she was creating so much chaos around her story of landing in her truth that it was making her actual truth less powerful. I felt sad that she couldn’t own her truth and how she got there, but I felt strong in my truth and was unwilling to bend mine to support her lie. With a great deal of compassion, I stood solidly in my truth and held her in my heart, hoping that she got the healing she needed.
