My teeth chatter and my body shook. I was dripping sweat, my clothing was soaked. My eyes wanted to roll back in my head and I fought them. I was fighting everything. I was resisting with everything in my body. I was lying flat on the floor and he was holding my hand. I turned my head slowly and looked him in the eyes as my head shook.

“This is energy” I said with a level of confidence and a slight question mark in my voice.

“Yes” he responded from a grounded place.

“I know.” I said back, mostly talking to myself.

I had seen this before. I had experienced it on many levels but not to this degree inside of myself.

“This is self judgment moving through me” I said as I closed my eyes and braced for another wave of energy.

“Yes” he responded back while I shook.

I trusted him. I trusted him with my heart. I trusted him with my mind. I trusted him with my body. I trusted him with my soul. I trusted him as my mentor which didn’t come easily for me.

Weeks later, I would fully understand the situation. I was correct when I said it was self judgment, but I didn’t fully understand those words when they danced from my lips. Later, I would understand that I was fighting my connection with spirit. I was denying who I was, at my core, to myself.