I was trying to explain how I felt to him but struggling for the right words. Then, it hit me. I told him a story about one of my clients.

“You see, I have this client who pays for sessions occasionally and I literally say almost nothing. This client will pay me to hold a ground for them. My job is to hold a grounded, safe, open, non-judgemental space which allows the client to process their emotions and thoughts. The client doesn’t need much support with the actual processing of emotions and thoughts, they simply need me to hold a safe ground for them.”

“So, the client pays you to say nothing?” he asked.

“No, the client pays me to hold a safe ground” I replied. 

“Ok” he responded with a slight question mark in his voice. 

“So, this is a little like my client. If you have 6 hours to work in a day and I need you to hold a ground for me for 1 of those hours it would be an hour of work. I wouldn’t expect 6 additional hours of productivity out of you. I would expect that you viewed that as productive work because it enables me to do my work better and more effectively. Holding a safe grounded sacred space for me is priceless and very productive for me.”

“I know, it just feels weird” he responded.

“That is because our culture doesn’t honor the support system and support needed or given”.

Months later, I listened to him repeat a version of this conversation to a stay at home mother who was struggling with self-worth because she wasn’t earning money for the household. 

“Do not underestimate the power of the support that you offer at home and to your husband. He wouldn’t be able to do everything that he does without everything that you do.”

The words landed in such a loving space in my heart.