I was sitting in meditation trying to process a situation in my reality, looking for clarity and insight. I drifted into a memory of an experience that I had multiple years ago.

I was getting dressed in front of a partner, who I am no longer with. I made a negative comment about my body, I was feeling exposed and vulnerable with him watching me get dressed.

“Are you trying to convince me that you aren’t sexy?” he asked.

I paused and looked over at him. Before I could respond he kept speaking.

“All you do is talk negatively about your body. Eventually, I am going to believe you” he said.

His response shocked me, it rocked me back on my heels. I had never looked at it this way before but it offered me a very different lens to look through. Why was I constantly making negative comments about my body to someone who appeared to be perfectly happy with my body? In fact, he constantly made positive comments about my body. Was I? Was I trying to convince him that my body wasn’t attractive? If I said enough negative things would he eventually simply agree?

I drifted back out of that memory and back to my situation that I was meditating on. I felt so much gratitude for this memory coming back to me in meditation. I was being shown that the situation that I was processing involved someone else telling me their fear over and over again and I was getting much closer to believing their fear because I was sick of fighting it. I was sick of being the one responsible for the work that they were not doing, just like my ex was sick of being the one responsible for the work that I was not doing. Before I finished the meditation I sent gratitude to my ex for this exchange and how it made me see and talk about myself differently.