“Can you just let me do that?” he asked.

My hands washed smoothly and methodically over the dishes in the sink. The bubbles in the hot water moved in response to each hand movement that I made. I didn’t look up from the sink. I could feel his eyes on me and hear the pleading in his voice.

I had been between worlds all day. The night before we had spent a lot of time in meditation and spirit had shown me concepts that had blown my mind. I was still processing all of what had happened the night before and realizing just how much this changed my reality.

“Please, can’t you go and lie down and just receive messages?” he softly said to me. “Please”.

I kept washing. I understood that he was calling me out on a pattern of mine. I don’t know how to share. I am not proud of it but it is true. I don’t know how to share responsibility. As a single mum, I don’t know how to allow him to step in and do things. I realize that it isn’t healthy and I am learning about it but honestly, I am not good at it yet.

I kept washing and heard him sigh.

I wanted to say “I am uncomfortable”.

I wanted to say “I don’t know how to let you do productive things while I lie down and receive”.

I wanted to say “I am so fucking uncomfortable in my skin right now because if I let you in and I trust you with my heart, my children, and my life then I also hand you the ability to hurt me. I hand you the ability to crush my heart,my dreams and my whole world. Please, please, please don’t hurt me.”

Instead, I stopped washing, looked up and made eye contact. I smiled and said “thank you” and began to heal the pattern that was so clearly being outlined before my eyes. I went to grab a blanket that his mother made for me for my birthday, curled up on my couch and closed my eyes. Within seconds, I was off with spirit in a reality that wasn’t earthly learning about things that I previously couldn’t comprehend.