I got to my hands and knees and started rocking back and forth and side to side. I knew this body movement well and knew that I was grounding myself. I had done this countless times. Today was a little different. I wasn’t back from meditation yet, I was still solidly in spirit. I knew that I was still deeply in spirit because drool started to flow from my mouth and onto the floor below me as I rocked. I paused for just a moment and questioned why I was trying so hard to ground into my body if I clearly wasn’t ready to come back from meditation yet.
I started to get myself into a high kneeling position, which is a power position for me, only to realize that I was too unsteady to hold the position yet. I dropped back onto hands and knees and heard a message as clear as day “That isn’t a power position, that is a position of control”. I rocked gently back and forth on my hands and knees waiting for more and knowing that I was about to learn something deep about myself. I began to reflect about times that I had gotten into high kneeling, they all left like times of empowerment, the times all felt like times where I was deeply owning something and working through something.
“Your position of empowerment is your position of surrender” I heard mirrored back at me. Before the words crossed my reality I knew that they were true. Each time that I was in high kneeling I was grasping for control or reaching to understand something rather than just allowing it to come to me. Each time I was in a position of surrender, my favorite position of surrender is flat on my back with hands up and facing up, I am in the deepest state of trust and empowerment.
I was still on my hands and knees but I had stopped rocking and was as still as a stone. How could I not have seen this before? How could I not realize that my most empowered position is also my most vulnerable position? How could I not have seen before today that me trying to force grounding was simply control. How could I be so confused between surrender and control and which is more empowering? I curled up on my right side with my eyes closed and drifted back into spirit and away from control and the further that drifted the more my body relaxed and let go.