Body talk

My back had hurt for days, days. I had stretched. I had used heat. I had walked. I had done all of the things that I knew  I should do, as a Physical Therapist. I also knew that none of these things would work. I wanted the discomfort to be physical, I really did, but I knew that it was energetic. I knew that there was nothing mechanical that had happened to my back and that there was no reason for this pain which meant that it was energy so all of the stretching and moving and heat would never work. 

My hands and feet got clammy as I wiggled. I knew that I was avoiding something and I also knew that meditation wouldn’t allow me to avoid it. I brought my focus inwards and away from my clammy hands and feet, those were simply a distraction. The answer came so quickly that it felt ridiculous that I had spent days with back pain. There was a person in my reality whom I was upset with but I needed to find a place of love for her in my heart, the anger that I was sitting in, around her, wasn’t serving me and it wasn’t how I wanted to show up in the world. I heard clearly “you have to love her, she is simply an expression of you, love her”. 

My eyes stayed closed but now my body was calm and no longer clammy. I was no longer avoiding what was going on within me. A tear rolled down my cheek. It wasn’t how I wanted to show up in the world. I didn’t want to move through life like that. So, I found the places in me that vibrated in the same place as her and I loved them, I loved them deeply. I loved them from the deepest place that I knew how to love from. 

When I slowly came back to my body and away from meditation I had no intention that my back pain would be gone. I hadn’t gone into meditation to fix my back pain. I had gone into meditation to understand myself more deeply and see the parts of me that needed healing, but when I stood up the motion was fluid and pain free. My body had been talking to me and telling me about energy that was within me that wasn’t aligned, that wasn’t the purest version of me. I walked barefoot across the floor, feeling immense gratitude and love for my body and what a beautiful teaching tool it is. My body talks to me all day, everyday and it is up to me to decide if I want to listen.