I moved slowly from one room to another. I would pause in each room, judge the energy in the room, spend a moment or two and then slowly move on. Sometimes, in a moment of pause I would connect with someone and sometimes I would simply pause, only to move on a moment later. 

“I don’t know where I fit it” I thought to myself. 

“You don’t” I heard back, so clearly. 

It wasn’t delivered in harshness or cruelty, it simply was. 

I stood looking out at the lake. There was a fire in the firepit and I watched the flames dance with the air as I contemplated the words that I heard. For a moment, my focus moved to the way my bare feet felt on the floor. It was grounding and made me feel centered as I contemplated the statement. It wasn’t emotional. It wasn’t with any level of judgment. It simply was, I didn’t fit in.

It was the first time I was seeing it through a non-emotional lens. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t bad, it just was. 

Finally, I asked “why”. 

“You were never meant to”.

“Ok” I said, still seeking clarity.

“The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with who you are meant to be”.

Right, I thought to myself. I can perseverate in a place of needing to understand, or I can accept and move forward. My life wasn’t meant to be fitting in, I couldn’t do my life's work and also fit it. So, with that, I moved on.