“You smell yummy” I said to her as I leaned in for a hug.

“I think it might be your soap” she said back. She had just stepped out of the bathroom. 

“I don’t know.” I said but the honest truth was that I did know that it was something other than my soap that I could smell. She was wearing something that I really loved and had smelled before but couldn’t quite place it. 

“Here, smell my hands” she said as she lifted them towards my face.

I took a deep breath of the soap and the essential oils that were mixed into the handsoap. “I made that soap with essential oils which is why it smells good” I said, but I was still trying to place the actual scent that I had originally smelled and loved. 

“I wish that I were a mom like you, but I just am not” she said. 

I laughed as I was snapped out of my thought pattern about the scent I could smell and back into the conversation. I wrinkled my nose at her solidly rejecting the pedestal that she was putting me on. 

“I make the soap and I am a good mum but don’t put me on a pedestal. I feed them doritos and let them play with devices for too long” I said. I wasn’t trying to be critical of myself, I was simply being honest. I didn’t want her to put me on a pedestal because I am no different than her. She is also a really great mum and I don’t think of myself as any better or worse than her. We all parent differently and I do try to do my best for my children, but I also solidly know that to keep balance in my life there are certain things that I let go that I wish I would do better. I knew that she was no different. She simply picked different things to let go of. No worse, no better, just slightly different.

I can remember a day where I would have loved her putting me on a pedestal. I would have loved the validation. Those were days where I didn’t know how to validate myself and I didn’t know how to accept myself as I am while still working on improving myself. Now, I have no desire to be put on a pedestal and this experience was a great opportunity for me to see my immediate response, I didn’t feel excited by the validation. 

After she left, I spent some time reflecting about the interaction and how I felt so grateful to be in a place in my life where I didn’t constantly seek validation to feel good about myself and I also didn’t tear myself apart. I just accepted myself, loved myself and welcomed continual growth.