“The boys never question you.” he said, speaking about my biological children. “They just realize that it is something that you do and know that it is safe” he continued.

“I know” I responded. I had taught them how to feel safety inside of themselves. I had taught them to listen to their own body and what it was telling them. I never wanted them to buy everything that I say as truth, I wanted them to find their own truth. I wanted them to be able to trust themselves. 

“Now, my children would absolutely question what I was doing” he said. 

I laughed as I processed the difference. 

“Yeah, your boys were raised to be fearful of everything in life” I said. 

“I know, and it sucks. I am working to teach them what safety looks and feels like” he answered. Not only was he working on teaching them this, he WAS teaching them this. He was making huge and phenomenal gains with them and it was such a beautiful process for me to get to watch between the three of them. 

Their mother had a deep “need” to be in control of everything in life. There was almost no ability for her to find safety in a state of surrender. She was constantly pushing in some direction. She always had an emotional attachment to something. She continuously had an agenda and she had learned long ago that using shame and guilt were easy ways for her to get what she wanted. Shame and guilt are peppered with fear and their whole lives have revolved around shame and guilt. It was how she got them to do what she wanted. “If you don’t do your homework then you won’t get into college and you won’t get a good job”. “If you eat that food then you will get fat” etc etc. 

Getting to watch my husband teach his (ours but to I am using the word his to differentiate between the children) amazing children how to find trust in life, how to feel comfortable in surrender, how to learn to find safety in life and in themselves is one of the biggest blessings that I am currently getting to experience.