I washed the dishes that were left in the sink from the night before. 

I emptied the dishwasher and reloaded it. 

I started a load of laundry and folded a load that was left in the dryer from yesterday. 

I wiped the crumbs and spots off the counter and wiped it down with a towel. 

As I walked around the house, filling the diffusers with essential oils, I began to think about the conversation we would have when I went upstairs. Most mornings, I would get up and check things off from my to-do list while he continued to snooze and dose. It was something that I really loved. I would go and get things done that allowed me to feel calm, grounded and present, and then I would go and climb back into bed to cuddle and chat. I knew he would ask me about what I did downstairs, he always did. So, I was in my mind thinking about telling him all of the things that I accomplished. 

“I started the laundry, I washed the dishes, I unloaded the dishwasher, and I wiped down the counters that I was too lazy to wipe down last night,” I heard myself talking to myself. I stopped walking and stood still.

“What the fuck did I just say?” I asked myself. I had caught myself speaking in a horrible manner to myself. I wasn’t lazy last night. Actually, I am not a lazy person, at all, so why would I tell myself that story? I had prioritized rest the night before rather than prioritizing cleaning. That wasn’t a bad thing. In fact, that was a beautiful thing that is important for me to lean into more. So, I changed the story I was telling myself (in my own mind), and as I walked to fill the diffuser, I practiced saying it differently. 

“I started the laundry, I washed the dishes, I unloaded the dishwasher, and I wiped down the counters, and I am so happy that last night I prioritized rest.”

I made a commitment to myself early that morning to stop shaming and punishing myself. I made a commitment to speak kindly to myself. And I made a commitment to be more gentle with myself.