“Don’t tell your wife” I heard her say in a whisper despite the fact that his wife wasn’t anywhere around. I was in the same space as them and couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. The woman had been telling her friend about a family friend who was going through a divorce. 

“Ok, I won’t” he responded awkwardly. 

“It is just that she is really judgemental and I know that she won’t even try to understand their situation” she said. 

As I walked away I got lost in thought about the conversation. I wondered if his wife had any idea. Did she realize how judgemental she was? Did she realize that because she is so judgemental people hide parts of themselves from her? Did she realize that information is guarded because she isn’t a safe space to share vulnerable information with? Did she realize that even her husband was hiding from her? Did she realize? Did she have the awareness and just not know how to change or did she not even know?

Sadness washed over me as I walked away. Did she realize how much of life she was missing out on? Did she realize that her inability to create a safe space meant that people would struggle to be authentic and real around her? Did she realize that her judgment would prevent others from connecting with her and that she was giving up belonging in so many places? Did she realize that people would hold up walls when they were around her and modify how they move through the world when in her presence? Did she realize just what she was giving up….. And for what gain? What did she gain from creating a hierarchy in her mind and putting it on other people? Did it give her a false sense of self worth? Did the perception of perfection make her feel safe and validate her?

I walked away wondering who would tell her. I wondered who would be brave enough to point out to her that her judgment creates massive separation in her life. And then, I thought, I was brave enough. I could tell her and provide her the opportunity to reflect and change if she didn’t like what she saw.