If you want to be held
I need support differently, I thought as I sobbed. I am not your average woman and yet, I am. I am very average. I am just like so many other women.
I can earn my own money.
I can raise my own children.
I can clean my own home.
I can make dinner.
I can wash the dishes and the clothes.
I can get the boys on the bus to school.
I can pay the household bills.
I can tuck the babies in bed.
I can manage my emotions.
I can manage my children's emotions.
I can single mom while running a business.
I can meet my own needs and support myself in all of the ways.
I can even recognize that all of these fierce forms of independence are a trauma response.
What I struggled with, was letting someone hold me.
What I struggled with, was letting someone in on all of the levels.
What I struggled with, was handing my world to someone and trusting that they won’t harm my world or me.
As I gently handed over the control that I had desperately held for years, I recognized just how uncomfortable I was and I offered love and compassion to the parts of me that were uncomfortable. I repeated to myself over and over again, if you want to be held, you need to let go. With every tear I let go and allowed myself to be held.