“I’m having dinner with a friend” he text.

I swallowed it. Hook, line and sinker. I asked. He knew me well and it felt like a test. I knew the people in his world. He could have used a name but he made the choice not to. He could have given me more information but he made the choice not to. 

I swallowed the bait; hook, line and sinker. Of course I asked.

It was such a shiny mirror being held for me that it was moderately blinding. “Fuck man, that mirror is bright” I thought to myself. What is wrong with me? Why on earth was I chasing this?

He loved to test me. He openly admitted it. When we were first together he walked into the bathroom when I was going pee and stood and watched me. I later asked him if he was doing that to see how I would respond. He admitted it openly and freely. He was looking for a reaction. 

I swallowed the bait; hook, line and sinker. The thing is, that it was the most beautiful learning moment for me. In the middle of the conversation, I already knew that this was a personal growth opportunity for me. He was helping me to grow. It was blatant and obvious, I was chasing him. I was chasing us. I was chasing what I wanted us to be. 

As I walked in the crisp autumn weather reflecting on my behavior and what made me ask who the friend was, I was reminded of an affirmation that felt whole and real in my body. It was a message that I clearly needed to hear and remember. 

“I do not chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me”